So last week I learned from my best friend that I apparently never listen to other's opinions and only do what I want to do. It's funny that someone who expects me to only like who she likes and do what she does would say that. Sometimes I really do wonder what I am even holding onto. Is it friendship or just a sense of companionship?
Then today my mother told me that I have a closed mind and never listen to her side of anything. I don't even know what to think anymore. I do what other's think I should do without question at times because that's what our relationship has become, yet when I do so, apparently I am just doing what I want to do somehow. Really, I don't think I can win.
I believe that I have lost my best friend and never really truly had a close relationship with my mother.
I don't understand why people like life so much when all life is for me is one disappointment after another.
Never do I do the right thing, think the right thing, or say the right thing.
I might as well be a puppet on their hands for all the respect I am given.
Yet still I will try to hold on to whatever relationship I can maintain with these people. Even as I see that my role in my best friend's life is being taken over by another and the memories we share have started to mean nothing, I will hold on because without that friendship I feel lost. New friendships will have to be made next year, that much I am sure of. Also...I refuse to let them drive me any lower than they already have. My emotions are not a tool they get to play around with and I am no longer their puppet. From now on I will be myself and I will speak my mind. If another blames me for being closed-minded (who is really just closed-minded herself) well, then they will soon learn that I know how to turn my back and walk away.
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